Why I Started This Blog
All my life I was told to go to school, get good grades, go to college, get a job to have a successful career, and then get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. Simple right?
Well my life, similar to many others, did not go according to plan. But of course, if your life has gone to plan, I am extremely happy for you! Besides some financial issues of trying to pay rent in NYC on a starting salary (IYKYK), I was lucky enough to have a great job, great friends, enjoying everything the city had to offer, a supportive family, and a boyfriend I loved. We then had an incredible wedding and were enjoying living life.
One change we agreed upon though, we wanted to try to have kids. Unfortunately, that turned out to be an extremely difficult journey for us. For anyone who struggles with infertility it is a very taxing experience not only physically but also emotionally. I won’t go into my whole journey here, but I’ll follow up with a post about how I navigated my infertility journey soon.
Luckily, on our first round of IUI we got pregnant - with twins! We were ecstatic! Even covid couldn't keep us down. But, because of covid I went to live with my parents in the suburbs instead of staying in the city. Unfortunately, at one of our later check ups, there were no heartbeats. Therefore, a D&C had to be performed. What I experienced during the D&C operation alone during covid especially with a first pregnancy, was terrifying.
After I had healed, there were a few more rounds of IUI with no success. My husband and I decided it was best for my stress and my health to stop for a while. Before you knew it, it was Thanksgiving and even though I doubted I was pregnant, before I consumed all that champagne, I thought I better double check. Good thing I did! I was pregnant with our baby boy 🙂💙.
Time went by and our son decided he couldn’t wait and arrived 2 weeks early. I still remember replying to slack messages in the hospital bed - such fond memories. About 20 hours later, Owen George was in my arms. I cried so many happy tears after he was born because I truly never felt that level of pure bliss before.
Unfortunately, that bliss only lasted 4 short weeks. Our son passed away in his sleep. That night and day will forever be burned into my mind. The most terrible thing in the world I could have ever imagined, happened.
After an event like that, waking up everyday is not an easy journey. This blog will go into many different aspects of that recovery. But that leads into why am I doing this? This will be the 3rd year since our son passed away. It’s been a process to say the least, but looking back, I feel like there’s this whole world no one talks about unless you’ve had a reason to be exposed to it. It can feel like there’s no one out there who would understand or who you can talk to. Whether it’s women’s infertility, miscarriage, or infant loss - unfortunately, there are many that have been through these experiences and it’s time these life events are spoken about openly. If at least one person reads this site and finds something helpful, that is all that matters.
I hope you enjoy what you find here, and even if it’s not for you, please spread the word about the numerous bereavement resources available for others.
As always please remember, you are not alone, and you are worth it. And if you don’t believe it yourself right now, I’m here to help remind you.
